image source: Greg Clarke
So Chase had his 6-month check-up today. We're about eight days late, but we were of course out of town last weekend, so no real issue. The great thing is that his doctor's office is a few blocks away from us–a nice stroller ride on a warm day, but usually we just drive over. Anyway, he sees two doctors in private practice – two older pediatricians (early 60s) who work together and often see the children interchangeably. They're partners, if you will. Ideally, it works out well, because if one doctor is unavailable, the other doctor knows your child equally well and can see him or her instead.
Well naturally, I have my favorite of the two. One guy is Jewish, the other is a Haitian gentleman. But that's neither here nor there. My favorite doctor is the one who I initially met in the hospital after I gave birth to Chase, as he came to check on Chase each morning since his birth. To me, he is a lot warmer, more personable, funny, sweet, and also gives Chase a sticker (or "medal," as he calls it) with each visit (especially after a shot). The other doctor is colder, more formal, has a sarcastic sense of humor that I don't appreciate, and comes off way more condescending in general. Definitely a no-nonsense type of guy but, to me, that doesn't really work for a pediatrician. Now, maybe if he were the doctor performing my heart transplant or brain surgery, I might forgive his clinical coldness and brusque tone. But come on, dude. You work among babies and tots! Smile a little…. and let the smile reach your eyes.
*sigh* Anyway, so when we got to the office this morning, I was dismayed to see that my "preferred" doctor was out. We hadn't seen his partner (remember, office partner, not "life partner"… hey, gotta clarify these days) since Chase was two weeks old. After our third visit with said doctor, I told Derek I wanted to start scheduling Chase's appointments solely with my favorite doc, and he readily agreed. So for the last six months Chase has seen the sweet, warm doctor exclusively. So I was stunned to walk in and see the other guy. I'm assuming our doctor was sick.
Anyway, so he came in to the examination room and greeted me. It may have been my paranoia (as I told Derek later), but I definitely felt he was icy and short with me, even more so than usual. In my fantasy, he is offended that we chose the other doctor over him. But whatever. So he proceeds to give Chase a quick and non-thorough once over. *smh* He got three vaccinations today, and the doctor was quick and rough. No sticker, no "Good job, champ!," no nothing. Totally dismissive of his cries of pain, and discouraged us from comforting him until after the third shot. Everything was fine, health wise. Chase is developmentally where he should be, in the 75th percentile in terms of his height, and in the 90th percentile as far as weight (Oops! We better get you moving in that jumper, babe! lol)
We went in his office following the examination to ask questions. I had only a couple, the primary one being whether or not we should cease night-time feedings. At this point Chase gets up 1-2 times per night. He goes to bed for the night at 6:30 pm, so his last feeding is at that time. Then he wakes up to eat around midnight or 1 am… and occasionally he will wake up again for a 3:30-4 am feeding. Then we get him up at 6:30 am for school and he eats then. But BabyCenter.com (which I usually swear by) had said that we now need to let Chase start crying it out–that he should be able to sustain until the morning! So I posed this question to the doctor and he brusquely replied that Chase should be sleeping through the night, and these late night feedings need to stop! He said that Chase is now old enough to go 12 hours, at night, without eating. He went on to explain that we need to be consistent once we do end the feedings (which I agree with), meaning, we can't be hardcore parents and let him cry it out Monday through Wednesday, but become softies on Thursday and feed him then. It'll confuse him terribly. So once we make this decision, we must stick with it. The doctor stated that, by two weeks, Chase would be sleeping peacefully through the night.
I then asked, somewhat tentatively (because honestly, this dude reduces me to a ball of nerves, which I hate!), if I should "wean" him off these night feedings rather than doing it cold turkey. Like, since he sometimes wakes up twice, should I go a week with just feeding him once… then by week 2 or 3 cut off the night feedings completely? It seems this would be less traumatic for him and, quite frankly, minimizing his distress is MY goal. Even more ideal, by 7 months or so Chase may be sleeping straight through the night on his own, with no intervention needed by us at all. He got to the 1-2 per night feedings on his own, after all, when as a newborn he woke up every 1.5 hours.
The doctor snapped that we need to stop the night feedings pronto, and basically said that's why Chase is a fat boy now and in the 90th percentile weight-wise. *wince* I'm paraphrasing his tongue lashing, of course, but that was the gist of it. He said that if we don't put an end to this now, then Chase will be waking up demanding meals during the night at five years old. He then proceeded to give us some other crappy advice, like how Chase doesn't need to begin baby food until he is 1 years old (well guess what buddy, you're about 1.5 months too late!), and to get Chase a playpen and he needs to spend his play time in there with his toys. He kept repeating, "The crib is not a place to play during the day, he needs to associate it with sleeping only." Okay, I agree with that… but who said we place Chase in the crib to play during the day? Because we surely don't! And ummmm, a playpen? Really?!! As if! Chasey-bear is a free spirit, and he enjoys his jumper, his swing, and lolling around on his activity mat throughout the day. We are not putting that boy in no archaic, cage-like playpen. *sigh* He then went on to stress that we be mindful of accidents, and consider baby-proofing the house in the upcoming months, since Chase will be mobile soon.
Anyway, so after thanking the doctor for his time, we headed to the receptionist where we made sure to book Chase's 9 month appointment with the other doctor…. and this time I'm going to call ahead to make sure he is in! It's not that this doc isn't a smart or knowledgable man. They are both very experienced doctors with lots of degrees and certifications to show for it. *shrug* But it's more than that, you know? I don't seem to see eye to eye with this doctor… our philosophies are different. Also, I want to be treated with respect, I want to be spoken to like you've got some sense, and I want you to be playful and warm toward my baby and give him stickers, and not treat us like we're encouraging a lifestyle of baby morbid obesity. A kind word, a smile, and a twinkling eye goes a looong way with me… and I'd rather give my business to the doctor who makes that extra effort to make us feel comfortable.
Soooo stay tuned for the post about weaning Chase off his night time feedings. *sigh* We decided we're going to start in two weeks (since we're going out of town next weekend, and we don't want to do anything to upset or disrupt his sense of normalcy while in a new place). And yes, I am doing it MY way–decreasing the feedings to one time nightly, and then cutting them out altogether. I'll let you know how it goes!
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um… you don’t have to take a doctor’s word as bond. i understand the importance of sleeping thru the night, but you do what’s best for your family and child. the weight will come off in time when he starts to crawl and walk. that sucks that he makes you feel that way.
it will get easier…especially after baby number 2, assuming you want a second child.
hang in there. i’ve weaned my 18 monther 3 times already! LOL! she/we/I keep relapsing!
btw, ever since i moved shabazz to her crib one week ago when she turned 1 month old, she has been sleeping much better thru the night, only waking up 2x, 3 at the most, for feedings. hopefully i am not jinxing myself after typing this, though…..
Oh goodness. I definitely suggest you switch if he makes you uncomfortable, which it is clear that he does. *smh* Baby doctors should be required to be tested on how nice they are, I swear.
Ugghhh…so frustrating. Pediatricians really need to have a good bedside manner.
I never put my daughter in a playpen. I’m sure it would have been handy at times, but why confine her during playtime? Aren’t babies supposed to explore?
And I thought babies were supposed to eat baby food around 4-6 months. What’s he supposed to do for a year? Just drink formula or breast milk? Pretty sure he’ll be underdeveloped.
And what’s wrong with a baby being in the 90th percentile for weight! Babies are supposed to be chubby!
Arrggghhh..I’m getting mad for you!
loved meka’s response, esp her reference to the mean doc as “dr. grinch,” hahahaha!!! omg, i cant believe how inpersonable he is!!! dude, like, why would u choose pediatrics as ure profession if u were such an a-hole??? eveyone knows that new parents have lots of questions. i am sure that he gets complaints all the time, or that u are not alone in ure sentiment of which doctors is preferable.
we are very, very blessed to have a pediatrician that we absolute LOVE for our kids. she is sooo sweet and personable, lovable, pretty, and just seems to genuinely enjoy hearing what garv and bazzy are up to. we never feel rushed, and she always encourages comforting. she came to us highly recommended from a couple different folks, esp my OB. additionally, she is never the one to administer the vaccinations. lol, she always steps out and leaves that up to the nurse, haha. i guess this way, though, the kids wont associate anything painful with the actual doctor. instead the nurses will be the “bad guys,” haha. smart.
cant wait to hear how the sleeping thru the night goes!! i’m determined to have shabazz sleeping thru the night at a much earlier age than garv did.
This doctor is a mess. It is not what he is saying, it sounds like you have a problem with how he is saying it. Major difference. Maybe he should try speaking with you, rather than AT you. I am not surprise Chase is in the 90th percentile. I believe genetically, Chase will be a tall person. Your hubby is tall and you are a nice height. I agree, Chase will do fine sleeping through the night without a feeding, but it takes time. I believe the doctor needs to assure you the transition will be okay. It is easy for me to see his point, because I am a mother of two. When I had only one, I had a lot of questions, because other than friends and families, I had nothing to go on for assurance. It all comes down to, you and Derek want to make sure you guys are doing the right things for Chase. The doctor should identify this as a professional, and advise accordingly. As the professional, he should tell you the steps that Chase will go through, to help you phase out of the night time feeding.
“He then proceeded to give us some other crappy advice, like how Chase doesn’t need to begin baby food until he is 1 years old…” I have never heard such foolishness. What is that all about?
I know you said that you do not want to try the new feeding schedule in a new place, but you may want to reconsider. He may do well because it is a different place. When Janae was younger, she was so attached to her pacifier. I did not want her to have it, because she was becoming so dependent. We had gone away on vacation, and the first night she cried for it. Herb was like just give it to her, but something inside just had to let her whine. Believe me, it was hard, and I felt sooo bad. I was wondering if what I was doing was child abuse. Her cries soon changed into a quiet whimper for her”Bo-Bo” that’s what she called it. The following night, she went right to sleep and she did not ask for it. I was surprised that it happened that soon.
No matter when you choose to do it, Chase will be unhappy, and it will bother you, but remember you guys are GREAT parents!!!!! You saw with his first feeding, it wasn’t easy, but you guys worked through it.
Lastly, our doctor encourages us to hug the girls while they were getting their shots. One, it was a way of keeping them still during the shots. We used encouraging words while they were getting there shots. Um with Jariana it didn’t work, because she is so terrified of needles, the child has kicked me in my head to get away from the doctor. However, Janae smiles while she gets her shots.(girl, I don’t know) I think with Jariana, I spent so much time anticipating her every move. If she was getting ready to fall, I wanted to be there before she did, because I did not want her to feel the pain of falling. When she finally did fall at the age of 5, we thought we had to get the paramedics. With Janae, I was a little more free. It shows now in their personalities. Jariana is my prissy girl, and Janae, while she enjoys being prissy, she has no problem with getting dirty to a certain extinct.
Wait this is your blog, lol! If you end up with Dr Grinch again, you hug your son, you encourage him, and have your little medals for him just in case. You know what Chase needs. The good doc has a well deserved MD, now he needs to get a PHD in bedside manners, since he is a pediatrician and not a surgeon!!!! Good Luck, can’t wait to hear the update!
I’m sorry you had a bad experience with the doctor. His delivery could certainly have been warmer – nobody likes to be spoken to like they are making wrong decisions for their baby! (AND YOU’RE NOT!!!) But, speaking as an old mama of 2 (10 and 3) it sounds like his advice was right on. I have always understood that at a certain point, babies wake up during the night for a feeding out of habit or just seeking company. Most parents have had to deal with “teaching” their baby to sleep through the night and it’s never easy! And if Chase weighs more than 90% of other babies his age, well, he doesn’t NEED those night feedings. You should absolutely make the adjustment in the way that’s best for Chase and your family and I’m sure it will be a very smooth transition.