I've been thinking about the direction this blog has taken. I have to be honest with you – I'm surprised anyone still reads. I post so sporadically and when I do I feel my writing lacks the energy and spontaneity it once had.
When I started with the whole "mom blogging" thing I wasn't new to the blogosphere. I'd been blogging for nine years already, on a close-knit, private community called Xanga. It was fun, it was supportive, it was intimate. But as life would have it, folks went their separate ways and, while many of us remain friends on and offline, our little community as we knew it dissipated. And though I was no longer blogging, life continued to happen. Derek and I discovered we were expecting, and a boy no less, and I realized I still had much to say. This time I sought a more public sphere – and I dove excitedly into what today is The Prissy Mommy Chronicles.
With Chase every little detail was enthralling – each milestone so novel and exciting. I blogged throughout the pregnancy, unabashedly sharing my reflections on pregnancy, my hopes and wishes for the baby, any trepidation I experienced, my fantasies about motherhood… Then when Chase was born I blogged about the first time he ate solids, when his first tooth appeared, his first episode of stranger anxiety, when he first played in the snow, his first haircut. Every teeny tiny milestones was so special and each developmental phase fodder for a new blog post.
When I became pregnant with Bryce, Chase was but a baby himself. And the blog centered around transitioning to a household of four, a mom of two boys. I wondered how Bryce's arrival would impact Chase – how it would impact our family… and that became my obsesh for the time.
Bryce was born and…. it's not that those same "firsts" aren't special or important. Amongst ourselves, Derek and I chattered excitedly about his first smile… we practically melt when we hear that sweet, infectious baby laugh… our hearts swelled with pride the first time he sat up on his own, and just last week when he babbled something that vaguely resembled "Dada." We took video footage of his first time eating solids yet… I didn't bother posting it online.
I wonder why?
Well, I suppose I no longer feel that I "need" the same support (or validation?) that I did with my first child. Secondly, well, when I blogged about those "firsts" with Chase it was fresh and brand new, so it took little to no effort for everyday occurrences to manifest into witty, interesting blog posts. But now having written those blog posts, I find that I've lost the motivation to do it again. While we celebrate Bryce's "firsts" as a family, I realize I don't have the same energy – or desire – to recreate similarly cute little anecdotes about Bryce's experiences.
I feel so ashamed writing that.
I created this blog as a virtual baby book, and I don't want my boys to ever look back and see an imbalance. But it's become that. There are more blog posts about Chase, more pictures of Chase, more videos of Chase. I love my boys the same. I'm in love with Bryce, just as I'm in love with Chase. But…. I guess I'm over blogging about the exact same things. It kind of feels like "been there done that, bought the t-shirt."
I'm not saying I don't want to be a mom blogger anymore. I guess I'm just reflecting aloud my realization that it takes a whole lot more to get me energized to write about the things I used to write about. I wonder how to get that back, or if I should strive to get back something that perhaps I've evolved past?
I think a lot about renewing some of my former interests. Once upon a time I was a pretty big influencer in the black hair care community. I was quite active on hair care messageboards, and super invested in educating others about healthy hair that grows, helping ladies achieve their hair goals, and I stayed on top of my own regimen. Having grown out over-processed, shoulder length hair to waist length, I was happy to freely give back to others who wanted the same. So I kept a hair journal that I updated with progress pictures regulaly, and made myself an available resource for those who sought the same.
I don’t do any of that today, and it baffles me. I miss those days. And I'm wanting to focus on some of those things again. I just hope Bryce never looks back and wonders why he didn't get the same attention on this blog that his brother did.
I'm not sure where I was going with this post. It certainly wasn't intended to be an apology or an excuse for my lacklustre attitude toward blogging these days. I think I just needed to think aloud about the direction of this blog, and where I'd like to take it.
I'm going to put more thought into this….